Hello readers! (those of you who are still left – which according to my blog views is approximately 0).
So, in case you didn’t know, a few days ago I had my one year year anniversary of moving schools! Yes, 1 year ago, on the 2nd March 2015, I started my new school – and boy has it been a roller coaster ride.
I have made a few posts about my first couple of weeks/months at my new school (or should I just say ‘school’ now) – My First Week and School Daze but I guess I kind of wanted to sum up my year in total. As you can tell from the ‘School Daze’ post, I haven’t always been the happiest at school – but now I feel as if I’m in a good place, although there are day to day up and downs. Nevertheless,now I feel like I have that feeling that I was constantly searching for last year – to belong.
Anyway, after the disaster of Year 9 (it obviously wasn’t totally a disaster, but it definitely felt that way), I was kind of apprehensive to start Year 10. I didn’t even know who I would hang out with – my friendship group hadn’t really worked out last year, so I had no idea who I would be friends with which was pretty scary.
So I walked into Year 10 with a happy, open mind. For the first two days of the term, I kind of just ‘floated around’ – we had just gotten a new building at school (and a new canteen) so no-one was really oriented yet – but I could still feel myself falling into that destructive routine. I decided it was time to make a change.
What I did the following day was probably one of the scariest things I’ve ever done – but to explain it, I probably need to give a little bit of background information.
At my school, everyone’s in their little ‘friendship groups’ (which I personally find kind of insane) which they seem to stay in – and there was this friendship group who had given themselves a name (although I believe it was mostly other people who called them that). They were your typical popular clique (or so I thought) – pretty, outgoing, funny, loud etc. It was also quite a large friendship group – about 14 or so people I think. Anyway, I had spoken to a few of them individually and found them all rather nice – it was just that as a group, they were so intimidating. Looking back on it, I don’t know why on earth I thought this – but I think it’s the mindset of ‘pack mentality’ that all-girls schools impose on you that leads to this ‘alpha girls’ stereotype.
Anyway, it was lunchtime on this fateful day that the so-called friends I was hanging out ditched me (or maybe they didn’t, but that’s what it felt like at the time) – I was feeling alone, sad and probably on the verge of another panic attack. At my school, there’s this large green area in the middle of the school where we’re allowed to eat lunch and since it was quite a nice day, there were lots of people eating there. Lo and behold, I saw this group of girls hanging out there – along with 2 girls from last year who I was vaguely friends with.
So, shaking with nervousness, I went over to them. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t as smooth as I could’ve been – I just asked them if they knew where ‘So and So’ where – they didn’t. Then, I asked if I could sit down – and that was the beginning.
Now, let me tell you – it’s a incredibly difficult thing to fit in to a new group of friends – especially ones that have been friends for years already. A lot of the time in these first few months, I felt like I was intruding, like I shouldn’t be with them, or that they didn’t really want me to be there but were too nice to say otherwise – I’m sure we all feel like this sometimes. At first, they were really nice – but as time progressed, I felt like I was fading and was no more than a tag-on. It was tough.
But then I realised, if I didn’t treat them like friends – instead of people to hang out with – they would never treat me like friends. Ever tried having a meaningful conversation with someone you don’t really know? Yeah, it’s hard. So I had to make an effort – I listened to what people said about their lives, asked questions (‘How did your competition go?’ etc.), and helped them out when I could. Honestly, it truly works – it’s hard not to be friends with someone who is super nice to you. Anyway, in the following months I started feeling like less of a tag-a-long and more of a friend – and that was one of the best feelings ever.
Now, I actually feel a part of my school. I feel comfortable and happy around everyone in my year – and I’m ever friends with the people who I had problems with last year, which is lovely. It’s like before I was walking on a treadmill at top speed, constantly running behind – and know I’m strolling through, right in time with the treadmill. Of course, I still get stressed and upset sometimes (GCSEs are no joke) – but for now, I’m doing just fine.
PS: I’m trying to post more!